Holding Paradox: The Skill No One Teaches
Published by Sanita Pukite - on July 31, 2025
Most days, leadership isn’t clear-cut. It’s not either/or - it’s both. Strength and softness. Clarity and uncertainty. Action and pause. This edition is about the power of holding tension without losing yourself in it. A mountain story, a quiet breakthrough, and a practice to help you lead with more presence in the grey.
A call for embracing ambiguity.
High-stakes leadership often demands quick answers. But real leadership? It lives in the tension between seemingly opposite truths and the capacity to stay steady in between.
It rarely unfolds in absolutes. It’s not black or white. It’s not certainty or doubt. It rarely fits the “either/or” thinking we are so caught up in. It’s grey, nuanced, layered.
More often than not, it calls for the ability to embrace ambiguity.
A summit in shades of gray
Our recent mountain expedition, climbing Mt. Ararat in Turkey (5,147m), began like a stormy summer night: drizzling rain, thick clouds, quiet uncertainty.
I was lying in my tent, lost in thoughts of yes or no. Will we be going? Will the summit push take place tonight? The wind rattled the canvas of my tent. I could hear voices of the team through the rain. For a split second, I hesitated.
Then I asked our group leader Sean: “What will you be wearing?” He replied. I squeezed on my third layer of pants, fourth jacket, and stepped out.
We began our climb in rain and darkness, guided only by our headlamps, wrapped in ponchos. As we continued, rain stopped. Hot tea warmed our hands. Little later dawn broke.
Hours later, I found myself behind our guide Hussain. With his encouragement, I kept climbing, one slow step after another, surrounded by snow, wind, and ice.
That’s when I saw them.
Ice flowers. Delicate formations blooming from the rocks.
I hadn’t seen them since childhood, when they shimmered on frozen windows in Latvia. Now, they were everywhere. I could not stop looking.
I wanted to stop and take a photo. But I couldn’t. Too cold. Too exposed.
I walked for nearly 30 minutes, captivated by them. The wind picked up. It felt strong enough to knock us over.
When we reached the summit, it wasn’t a place to celebrate. It was breathless. Harsh. Ten seconds for a photo. And then we descended.
Thirty minutes later, just 500 meters below, sunshine. Warmth. Clear sky. Laughter. We stopped. We shared tea. We celebrated. (for trip photos, check out this post)
Both moments were real. The ten-second summit and the long, sunlit break. Both within the same hour. And both required presence and strength that could only be found within.
This is life and leadership. Not “either/or.” It’s both/and.
We can be holding tension in one room and holding space in another.
We can be leading from the front and managing from behind.
We can be inspiring, demanding, and deeply human - at once.
The future-ready leader embraces the “and.”
Resilience isn’t found in certainty. It’s found in our capacity to hold complexity and keep walking through ambiguity.
A deeper lens: from either/or to both/and.
Philosopher F. Scott Fitzgerald once said, “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.”
In complexity theory, this is referred to as “polarity thinking”: the ability to manage interdependent opposites like stability and change, structure and freedom.
Social psychologist Barry Johnson, who originated Polarity Thinking® in the 1970s, describes “interdependent opposites” like clarity and ambiguity or strength and softness, where success involves holding both, not choosing one. He wrote that in leadership, the key is not choosing sides, but learning to balance paradox.
This is not indecisiveness. It’s strategic clarity and inner discipline: holding tension without collapse. Building polarity awareness for a leader is a practice of self‑regulation and presence: noticing when we’re stuck in extremes and stepping into both/and with curiosity and groundedness.
In my coaching, I often spot leaders leaning into one or the other, and I always ask:
What would happen if both were true?
What would need to shift in your thinking, your presence, or your posture, so you could hold that tension without trying to resolve it?
Because often, it’s not about choosing a side. It’s about expanding our capacity to stand in the middle - with clarity, compassion, and conviction and lead from there.
Practice tip: map a live polarity you’re navigating
In complexity, many tensions aren’t problems to solve - they’re polarities to manage. Think: structure vs. freedom, stability vs. innovation, candor vs. compassion.
Try this polarity mapping process, adapted from Barry Johnson’s framework:
Name the poles. Identify the two interdependent values or behaviors you’re holding (consistency vs. agility).
List the upsides. What are the strengths and positive outcomes when each pole is well expressed?
Note the downsides. What happens when each is overused or becomes rigid?
Spot early warning signs. How will you know when you're leaning too far into one?
Plan practical shifts. What micro-actions help you rebalance? (Examples: pausing to consult stakeholders before pivoting; realigning with strategy before reinforcing new changes)
It is easy to pick sides. It is hard to hold paradox.
The world today demands more of the second. Leaders who can lead with strength and softness , courage and compassion , conviction and curiosity.
Not “either/or.”
It's "and/and."
Warmly,
Sanita
P.S. This is Part 1 of a two-part reflection. In the next edition, I’ll share what I learned about trust, fast teaming, and inner leadership during this climb.
References:
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