Build influence from within
Newsletter in Brief
Last week I spoke at the Baltic Women's Network event about Inside-Out Influence, the steps and mindset required to build our influence starting from within.
In this newsletter I will share some reflections and tips for you to strengthen your self-trust, resilience and adaptability.
This is a bi-weekly newsletter that shares strategies and actionable steps for self-mastery, leadership and my personal reflections and professional updates. Subscribe here!
The only truth that truly matters is your own.
You might be thinking, “Why would you say such a thing?” I say it because it’s true.
Lately, I’ve had conversations with a wide range of people: coaches, job seekers, entrepreneurs, C-suite leaders, and despite their different backgrounds, one common thread runs through them all:
The way they present their world reflects their reality.
They literally create the world they believe in.
The stories we tell ourselves.
Let me share a few examples:
1. The downward spiral:
I spoke with a COO who has been out of the job market for a few months. His story? The market is tough, jobs are scarce, and he’s questioning his own skills and abilities. As he spoke, I could sense his energy - pessimistic, drained, stuck in a cycle of self-doubt. The more he believes in this bleak narrative, the less likely he is to break free from it.
2. The self-sabotage:
A highly experienced consultant, one of the best I know, spent nearly an hour telling me about the fierce competition, the lack of demand, and her growing desire to find a stable job within an organization. Despite her impressive track record, her mindset is holding her back. She has the experience and the skills, but the story she tells herself keeps her from embracing her own power.
Now, consider the opposite:
3. The opportunity seeker:
A fractional entrepreneur I’ve observed for nearly a year now sees possibilities everywhere. She believes in her ability to create success - and she does. While others struggle to find work, she creates it. When others hesitate to charge more, she confidently positions her premium services. The difference? Self-assurance, adaptability, and resilience.
4. The climber:
A marketing executive who consistently secures higher-level roles, year after year, expanding his portfolio to manage multiple CMO roles simultaneously. In the same market where others struggle to land even one job, he thrives. Is it the market, or is it the mindset?
Why do some thrive while others strive and fall?
It comes down to three critical factors:
1. Framing reality
Studies in emotional intelligence consistently show that optimism is a key predictor of well-being and effectiveness. When we see possibilities instead of obstacles, our minds naturally lean towards finding solutions. Conversely, when we frame reality through a lens of defeat, we unconsciously reinforce our limitations.
Inportant to realise the difference between optimism and realism. What I am suggesting is that we keep positive outlook on life, not that we become dilusional and ignore issues that need resolution.
Columbia University Prof. Hitendra Wadhwa wrote an article in HBR talking about the power of reframing our thoughts to activate our purpose and inner wisdom to reframe our reality.
Here is what he says: "Research shows that our intentions influence our emotions, thoughts, and perceptions, and that those in turn influence our behavior. When you believe other participants in a meeting won’t respect your perspective, or that a subordinate won’t be happy with your feedback, or that one party will have to lose for the other to win, you’ll be less likely to engage in behaviors that build trust, open people’s minds, and deepen understanding."
We can choose how we frame the situation we are in and how we frame it becomes our reality.
As example: What can I learn from this vs. Why is this happening to me?
2. Challenging assumptions.
Our brains are wired to confirm our beliefs. If we ask, “Why can’t I find a job?” our minds will come up with reasons: the market is bad, competition is fierce, others are more qualified.
But what if we flipped the question?
“What evidence do I have that the market is actually thriving?”
or
“What skills do I have that make me stand out?”
Psychologist Martin Seligman, a pioneer in positive psychology, highlights that reframing negative assumptions can significantly boost resilience and mental well-being. When we challenge our beliefs, we often find they are rooted more in perception than in fact.
What situation are you facing today that you could challenge your assumptions around?
3. Becoming aware of our defense mechanisms.
Our minds build defenses to protect us from emotional harm, like walls around a house to keep out intruders. While these defenses help us cope with stress, they can also trap us in distorted realities if left unchecked.
Here are three of the most common defense mechanisms I see among executives and founders:
1. Rationalization:
When things go wrong, we blame external factors rather than examining our own choices.
Example: A leader who fails to meet a target might blame the economy rather than reassessing their strategy.
2. Avoidance:
We ignore uncomfortable truths and stay busy to avoid confronting reality.
Example: A founder overwhelmed by declining sales might immerse themselves in less impactful tasks rather than addressing the core issue.
3. Projection:
We attribute our own insecurities to others.
Example: An executive feeling uncertain about their decisions might accuse their team of lacking commitment.
Breaking the pattern: The RTB hack.
One practical tool I often recommend is creating a list of “Reasons to Believe” (RTBs), a technique borrowed from marketing that works remarkably well in personal development.
How to use it:
Write down every reason why you will succeed.
Include your skills, past achievements, positive traits, and unique strengths.
Keep the list visible and revisit it when doubts start to creep in.
This exercise activates a positive feedback loop, reinforcing your sense of capability and shifting your mindset from defeat to possibility.
How to move from fear to possibility.
The most important shift you can make when stuck in negative thinking is to reframe your narrative:
Establish that your beliefs may lack evidence.
Challenge the stories you tell yourself.
Actively push your mind to focus on possibilities rather than problems.
Research shows that positive thinking triggers a chain reaction, improving mood, increasing motivation, and boosting resilience. When we focus on opportunities, we unconsciously attract more of them.
Final takeaways:
Positivity attracts positivity.
Strong energy attracts strong energy.
Belief in possibilities opens doors to opportunities.
When you move away from fear-based thinking towards possibility-based thinking, you reshape your world. It’s not magic, it’s mindset.
And your mindset is the most powerful truth you can create.
Be BOLD and GO BEYOND!
BEYOND is a state of continuous growth and transformation. It’s about stepping out of the ordinary, redefining what’s possible, and leading boldly. Here, we explore leadership fundamentals - self-awareness, presence, mindset, behaviors, strategic decision-making and influence. BEYOND is for those who refuse to lead within expectations and instead choose to go further, think bigger, and make a lasting impact. Subscribe to this newsletter here.